Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Thank you

Originally uploaded by norvegal

I'm full of feelings and low on words tonight, so I'll keep this short. I do want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the outpouring of well-wishes and generous words of wisdom that you've shared with me in relation to this day I have dreaded and feared for so long. I feel extraordinarily lucky, and I thank you for the collective hug that made this day so meaningful.

For me, birthdays tend to bring up memories of past birthdays, which inevitably leads to a sense of loss and sadness about what is no more. Missing people who are no longer here, spaces that are long gone, times that have passed. And realizing how short our remaining time here really is. Which is why, when my mother and brother drove away, I stood on the sidewalk with quite a heavy lump in my throat.

There is much to celebrate, and much for which to be grateful. So we shall not end this day on a sad note. Instead, we will reflect upon the wise and inspirational words that my niece Emma wrote in her card to me. "You better have a good b-day," she said, "or the FBI will surround your house and you will be fired from your job and you will run out of money...So happy b-day."

Oh, to be 10 again.

Actually no. On second thought, I'm quite happy to be right here, right now, swilling my Metamucil and stocking up on Depends and thinking about how to make the very most out of every minute I'm given.


Knitting Painter Woman said...

You made it. I hope you find the zest, freedom-from-expectations and custom, and energy that I found when I made it out of my 30's (which were wretched for me). I'm pushing 60... which frightens me a bit because my mother died in her 60's. BUT... guess what? I'm not my mother! Do you have When I am Old I'll wear purple? Start now to have a h*ll of a good time!
(Sorry to be preachy. I just want to wish you happiness and let you know I'm glad you were born. You've been a model for me in ways you probably don't know.

rho said...

I keep telling people (and why they don't listen to me I will NEVER understand) instead of feeling bad at birthdays - you re-adjust your thinking - and the older you get the longer you celebrate -- the way I figure it by the time I am 90 I will be celebrating the whole year thru.

Next Thursday will be 56 for me - now what will I do for a proper start to my celebration.... hmmmmm the possibilities are endless ;)

melissaknits said...

I am telling you. It's awesome here. Truly, truly awesome. For one thing, you can wear elastic waist pants. You care MUCH less about what anyone else thinks. What's important changes. Less is important, and what is you hold closer and value more.
I recently stopped coloring my hair which was a habit I developed in my late 30's. At first The Gray Ones freaked me out. Now I am embracing them. Really, it's pretty and sparkly, like little dashes of pixie dust.
Yes, seriously. Stop laughing. No really, stop.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, what Melissa said. I'll never dye my hair (other things, yes, but not my hair ... unless I dye it, oh, orange or green ;-D ). Because, hey, I want to celebrate my age, my life, my experiences ~ not feel the need to cover them up with some false sense of unrequited youth.

So, hope you celebrate your bday, yourself and your place in the cosmos, and realize it's only a number.

Says the girl who's a tad bit older than you, but really, not wiser.


Sue said...

Shoot I dye my hair all the time! Because I can.

Fear not-it's all good. I can't wait to be that ole lady rockin' on the front porch making the local children stop cussin'. Happy birthday, my dear.